Random Thoughts

The folly of men…

When I’m fortunate to again teach English Lit to impressionable young minds, satire is going to be a significant part of the syllabus. Nothing is quite as effective as satire when it comes to viewing the foolishness of human behavior, particularly political buffoonery. And in these interesting political times, satire is downright essential.

As I read this story, my first reaction was to wonder yet again what fools on the planet elected this scoundrel?

Barney Frank, the first openly gay member of Congress, recently gave an interview to a gay website, www.365gay.com, in which he took on a different foe. Asked about the Defense of Marriage Act — which bans gay marriage — Frank said he hopes the law is not appealed to the Supreme Court right now because Justice Antonin Scalia is a “homophobe” with too many allies on the court to risk a judicial challenge. “I wouldn’t want it to go to the United States Supreme Court now because that homophobe Antonin Scalia has too many votes on this current court,” Frank said.

Such a great example of the dignity and maturity one hopes for in our governing officials.

Scott Ott at Scrappleface offers a far more clever response than mine:

Scalia Urges Patience with Barney Frank’s Heterophobia
by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace

(2009-03-24) — After Rep. Barney Frank, D-MA, admitted he feared a Supreme Court ruling on homosexual marriage because “that homophobe Antonin Scalia has too many votes on this current Court“, the associate justice called on all Americans to “have patience with Rep. Frank as he struggles with his heterophobia.”

“Barney Frank, accustomed as he is to putting like with like, apparently fears things that are hetero…meaning different,” Mr. Scalia said. “Under our Constitution, the judicial and legislative branches are not homo — meaning the same. If the people want to create law about issues not mentioned in the Constitution, they have the power to do so through their elected representatives. The judiciary is a different branch, with different enumerated powers.”

Mr. Scalia refused to speculate about “whether Rep. Frank’s heterophobia is genetic or simply a lifestyle choice, but in either case,” he said, “it demonstrably weakens the constitution and harms society in general.”

Satire, it’s a beautiful thing. And Ott is a master at it.

The Machine Behind the Man

Iowahawk (a source of inestimable wit) offered up a message from Obama’s Teleprompter back in September of ’08.

Now the Teleprompter has gone public, and I haven’t laughed so hard in years. This blog is sheer brilliance:

Barack Obama’s Teleprompter’s Blog.

As the Miami Herald recounts, the blog appeared shortly after Rush Limbaugh began questioning the president’s teleprompter on his radio show. I thought that was clever in itself; point out Obama’s repeated verbal fails by accusing his teleprompter of controlling the man.

The Teleprompter’s Blog goes Rush one better. It offers pithy insight into each of Obama’s (whom the Teleprompter calls “Big Guy”) inexplicable screwups.

I warned Big Guy not to buy Bill Clinton’s old address book as part of the Hillary-to-State deal, but does he listen? Now I have this mess to clean up.

All of us here at the White House read French, so for those of you who can’t, the article says that Big Guy accidentally sent an official letter of greeting to former French President Jacques Chirac, instead of to current President Nicolas Sarkozy. Guess that explains why the letter to former German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder showed up undeliverable the other day.

Because a blog is not enough when it comes to internet communication, Barack’s Teleprompter is on Facebook. And it even Twitters too.

Barack Obama’s Teleprompter’s blog has been picked up and shared all over the internet.  Drudge calls its author a mystery,  one I hope is not solved any time soon. The beauty of the blog is its anonymity.  Of course there are those who don’t see the humor, and who are all outraged at the insult to our hallowed president.

It’s satire, people. I suppose they think Jonathan Swift was really proposing dining on Irish babies too.

Seriously, it’s not like the writer behind the teleprompter blog is posting nasty graphics of the president wherein he looks like a simian, or calling him Obamahitler or any of the ugly garbage that was flung at our last president.

Instead, he or she is pairing the daily gaffes of Obama with his extreme dependency upon a machine to make a point:

Obama apparently turns off his brain when he’s reading his teleprompter.

Of course, that assumes his brain is actually there, and functioning, the rest of the time.

You talkin’ to me?!

As a rule, I embrace technology. Particularly if it’s portable. I got my first notebook pc (an early HP Jornada) when they were still a new thing. Technology is cool. Except sometimes. Sometimes it’s creepy:

Bluetooth earpieces creep me out. They make me think of Jean Luc Picard on his worst day…

Seriously, one day they’re going to make it so that those little earpieces stay in 24/7/365, grafted to your skin “for convenience,” and then it’s just a step until you look like Patrick Stewart in that photo.

But Motorola wants us to think wearing a bluetooth is sexy.

I don’t know about you, but I never see David Beckham walking shirtless around my neighborhood. If I did, I’m sure I’d never notice the bluetooth. It could wrap halfway around his head and I wouldn’t notice it. But I don’t ever see men who look like that wearing bluetooths. What I do see looks a lot more like this:

And invariably it freaks the crap out of me. Grown men walking around talking to themselves tend to be quite unsettling. How am I to know they’re having a phone conversation? It looks like they’re mentally unstable, talking to the voices in their head. Which is literally what they’re doing, come to think of it.

And don’t get me started on how awkward it is when a stranger walks toward you and says “Hello!” and he’s not talking to you. He’s talking to the voices in his head.

Sometimes I think I’m surrounded by the Borg collective. Resistance is not futile though; they’ll never get me to wear one of those things. If you pass me on the street, and I say “Hello,” I’ll be talking to YOU.

EDITED TO ADD: $100 says this man was not wearing a bluetooth earpiece. People who are in the right place at the right time and act immediately tend to be engaged in the world around them, not listening to voices in their head. Just something to think about next time you Borg up.

Dog gone

I’m what is known as a “dog person.” I grew up with dogs as pets, and I’ve had dogs in my own home for over 20 years. My children grew up with dogs; they loved them, the dogs loved them right back.

My dogs have all been very well trained: Absolute obedience is expected when it comes to coming when called, never running out an open door, and obeying the command “STAY!” Their safety is at stake, and I’m very big on safety when it comes to dogs.

I’m even bigger on safety when it comes to children.

That’s why I find this sort of thing very disturbing. It ought to be completely preventable.

2-year-old girl bitten in face by family dog
Daily News Wire Services
Posted: 03/17/2009 07:00:46 AM PDT

A 2-year old Long Beach girl was hospitalized today after she was bitten in the face by the family’s dog, authorities said.

The attack at a home at 1850 Gardenia Avenue in Long Beach was reported around 11:30 p.m. Monday, Long Beach Department of Animal Control Officer Jaime Precado told an On Scene Video camera crew.

Precado and Long Beach Fire Department paramedics went to the home in response to an emergency call.

Authorities said the toddler was bitten in the face by the family’s cocker spaniel, a breed originally bred for hunting but regarded as friendly. She suffered deep lacerations to the face, Precado said.

Another Animal Control officer said in a telephone interview that Precado took the animal into custody.

“Normally what happens is that we bring the dog in and hold it in quarantine for 10 days to see if there are any signs of rabies,” he said. “After that, the animal is evaluated and a decision is made on what to do with it.

“If the animal doesn’t have any signs of rabies or other disease after 10 days, it’s returned to the owner if the owner wants it back. But I think the mother was pretty upset and didn’t make a request to get the dog back. So I don’t know what will happen to it.”

What prompted the attack was not immediately determined.

I would bet real money this was not the first time the dog had indicated some sort of nervousness and/or aggression toward the child and/or other people in the home. I’d bet even more money that the mom knew it, knew there was a risk, and didn’t take it seriously. Until now.

According to the Humane Society,

Each year, about 4.7 million people in the United States are bitten by dogs—80 percent of them by familiar canines —and it’s estimated that more than half of those victims are less than 13 years old. What’s more, children are at least three times more likely than adults to sustain a serious dog bite.

When it comes to dog bites, most injuries are caused by family pets. The Humane Society’s steps to avoid dog bites are helpful; two in particular ought to be drilled into every child who lives with a dog in their home:

2. Never sneak up on or pet a dog who is eating or sleeping. Animals can bite when they’re startled or frightened.

3. Never pet a dog who is playing with a toy. Dogs are often protective of toys, and may think a child is trying to take it.

One of my current dogs is a mixed breed whippet-miniature pinscher/who knows what. She fixates on tennis balls and dog toys. Will play with them quite literally for hours at a time. Everything around her is ignored when she’s focused on a toy, any sudden attempt to remove the toy meets with instant aggression. If you say her name, break her concentration, give her a second to realize a human is interacting with her  she’ll gladly let you take the toy. But she needs that verbal cue to engage her brain and override her instincts.

I wouldn’t trust her around small children at all. I know what would happen; they’d walk up to her, she’d be oblivious to them, they’d grab the toy she was chewing on, and they’d get bitten.

Small children and dogs alike are quite predictable. Kids don’t think, “Grabbing a toy from the dog could make it hurt me.” Dogs don’t think, “This is a small human, I need to let it take my toy.” Kids think, “I want that toy.” Dogs think, “That toy is mine.” And the end result is tragic.

Some dogs are relatively trustworthy around small kids. I say “relatively,” because any dog can become aggravated when it feels physically threatened. Even a friendly little Cocker Spaniel. Dogs certainly can be trained out of many behaviors–mine have all been highly professionally trained–but canine nature is what it is.

I have little patience with dog owners who ignore common sense and warning signs. If your dog isn’t 100% comfortable around small children, if it growls or bares its teeth at any person in your home at any time, that is a huge red warning sign. And you’d better make sure your health and homeowners’ insurance are paid up. You’re going to need them.

How to save a life…

Taking a step back from the ongoing Obama saga and the messed up economy to focus on something very close to home…

This is Malachi Smith. I’ve known Malachi’s daddy and mommy since before their marriage, when Malachi’s daddy Wes Smith coached Eldest Son in track and cross country running. I went to their wedding. I rejoiced at the birth of their two little boys, Ethan, now 3 1/2 and Malachi, now 2.

My heart broke at the following news:

Donor sought for precious gift

By Rhiannon Potkey
Thursday, March 12, 2009

After another restless night of sleep, Wes Smith wakes up groggy and still tired.

The Oaks Christian School track coach and head trainer yearns for the comfort of his own mattress and not a hospital bed.

Smith wonders how he will make it through practice or organize this week’s upcoming meet.

But any discomfort passes once he sees the smile adorning his little boy’s face.

Smith’s 2-year-old son, Malachi, has leukemia and has been undergoing intensive chemotherapy treatments.

Wes recently spent 39 consecutive nights by his son’s side at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. His wife, Rachel, who cares for their 3-year son Ethan at night, takes over during the day.

“It’s been a challenge,” Wes said. “But it isn’t a perfect world and we know these things happen. Our faith in God and support of our family, work and church gives us strength.”

Those support systems are hoping to help the family in a big way on Friday.

Malachi is in need of a bone marrow transplant, and Oaks Christian is holding the “Marrow 4 Malachi Drive” from 7:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m.

People will be able to register with the National Marrow Donor Program by filling out a consent form, paying $25 and having their cheek swabbed.

Donors must be between 18 and 60 years old and willing to donate to any patient in need if they meet health guidelines.

The drive was organized by Oaks Christian soccer player Kelly Johnson and her mother Valerie.

They have been posting fliers around town, and Kelly gave a presentation to the Oaks Christian students last week asking everybody to recruit at least one adult for the drive.

“If it is not Kai who finds a match, then maybe it is someone else,” Wes Smith said. “We want people to contribute to the registry one way or another and expand the reach or impact of our experience.”

Malachi “Kai” Smith was born June 9, 2006, and diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia at the age of 13 months.

ALL is a cancer of the white blood cells in the body that normally fight infections.

It’s the most common cancer in children, and occurs in about one of every 29,000 children in the United States each year, according to the National Cancer Institute.

Kai went into remission after a month, but his parents noticed his symptoms returning last December. The doctors soon confirmed the leukemia had relapsed.

Kai’s parents were told he had a 90 percent survival rate after the initial diagnosis. But the relapse diagnosis was more grim.

“The statistics the second time around are a 1 in 4 chance of survival,” Wes said. “That was a little tougher to process.”

It’s been yet another medical ordeal for young Kai to endure.

Before being diagnosed with leukemia, Kai had surgery at 28 days old to repair plyoric stenosis — the narrowing of part of the stomach that leads into the small intestines.

“It’s like, ‘Holy mackerel, the poor kid hasn’t even gotten started yet and he’s been hit twice,’ ” Wes said. “But in a different generation, he might have been dead twice, so I am thankful for modern medicine in that regard.”

But Kai has handled each hurdle like one of his dad’s star sprinters on the track team.

“He is just a happy kid and has kind of won the hearts of the nurses and staff at the hospital,” Wes said. “He always has a bubbly personality and even calls one of the nurses his girlfriend. She eats it up. It’s funny, when he walks out of the hospital, he gets this big ovation.”

Although family remains Wes’ top priority, coaching track and field gives him an outlet for a few hours each day.

“The opportunity to interact with kids is what I enjoy the most,” he said. “I consider coaching more ministry than an occupation, and it has been humbling how supportive the kids are.”

Wes and his wife don’t easily accept gifts, but they have learned to value the meaning behind them.

The family recently received a $5,000 donation from the Talbert Family Foundation to help with medical expenses. The foundation also sent $500 for the bone marrow drive to cover the cost for those who can’t pay the $25.

“By nature we are always trying to give to other people, not take,” Wes said. “But it is coming back at us almost faster than we can give it up. It really blows me away.”

Wes was hesitant about naming his son Malachi. But after reading the Bible’s book of Malachi in the Old Testament, he changed his mind.

Malachi means “Messenger of God,” and Wes thought it would be cool if his son grew up to be a preacher.

“Now I think maybe his message may not be one he is giving, but the impact he is having on people’s lives as they watch us go through these trials,” Wes said. “It’s a growing experience not just for us, but for people who come to hear the story.”

Donating bone marrow isn’t painless, but it’s such a small thing to do to save a child’s life. Maybe you can’t save Malachi, but there are thousands of children waiting for a donor. Maybe you could save one of them. I don’t know about you, but I find it impossible to turn away from their need.

Join the National Marrow Registry. You might be the person to save Malachi’s life.

If you’re wondering whether you could handle being a donor, check out Canadian Brian Beattie’s personal experience in donating bone marrow.

POSTSCRIPT: More than 500 people signed up to be potential bone marrow donors at the OCS drive today. I understand that a successful drive gets 100 signups.  I am so proud of my community.

Dear IRS…

If I was twenty years younger, I’d want to marry Ed Barnett and have his babies.

Dear IRS,

I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April 15, but all is not lost.

I have paid these taxes: accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog licence tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting licence tax, fishing licence tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax, medicare tax, city, school and county property tax (up 33 percent last 4 years), real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle licence registration tax, capitol gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas assessment tax, Colorado property tax, Texas, Colorado, Wyoming, Oklahoma and New Mexico sales tax, and many more that I can’t recall but I have run out of space and money.

When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest mistake. Please treat me the same way you treated Congressmen Charles Rangle, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Dashelle and, of course, your boss Timothy Geithner. No penalties and no interest.

P.S. I will make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check.

Ed Barnett

Wichita Falls

H/T Ace of Spades.

As a future educator, there’s something very satisfying in giving Obama an F. However meaningless it might be.

No bread for you, infidel!

Never mind my own petty personal financial problems. I read stuff like this, and I feel like my head’s about to explode:

A Saudi Arabian widow aged 75 has been sentenced to 40 lashes and four months in prison for mingling with two young men who were reportedly bringing her bread.

Khamisa Sawadi, a Syrian who was married to a Saudi, breached rules barring women from meeting with male non-relatives, a court ruled.

The two men, including Sawadi’s late husband’s nephew Fahd al-Anzi, were also found guilty and sentenced to prison terms and lashes.

Mrs Sawadi argued she saw 24-year-old al-Anzi as a son and even breast-fed him when he was a baby.

But the court, which had acted following a tip-off from al-Anzi’s father, dismissed her evidence.

…The court verdict read: ‘Because she said she doesn’t have a husband and because she is not a Saudi, conviction of the defendants of illegal mingling has been confirmed.’

Sawadi commonly asked her neighbours for help after her husband died, said Saudi journalist Bandar al-Ammar, who reported the story for Al-Watan.

…Saudi Arabia’s strict interpretation of Islam prohibits men and women who are not immediate relatives from mingling and women from driving. The playing of music, dancing and many movies also are a concern for hard-liners who believe they violate religious and moral values.

A special police unit called the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice enforces these laws, patrolling public places to make sure women are covered and not wearing make up, sexes don’t mix, shops close five times a day for Muslim prayers and men go to the mosque to worship.

H/T Rachel Lucas. This lady’s 75 freakin’ years old–what possible harm can there be in her meeting with ANYONE? She should have just gone without the bread, starved to death if need be, and upheld their asinine virtue laws. And how dare those two men bring an old lady bread; what were they thinking?! They must be punished.

If ever there was a reason to drill for our own oil and become utterly independent of Arabian oil, this is it. This cruelly ridiculous crap that enslaves and tortures an entire gender. If it weren’t for their oil, the Saudis wouldn’t have jack to sell to the world, and they be reduced again economically to the primitive barbarians they still are socially.

Not that I have an opinion, or anything.