Random Thoughts

The ghost of anger past

It’s been a challenging week. Not challenging in the usual way, which involves juggling the activities that fill my life and the lives of my family members. Not challenging in the newest way, which involves figuring out how we’re going to stretch nonexistent finances to cover the next year. Not even challenging in the sudden surprise way, which typically involves something unexpected and unpleasant like the need for a root canal.

This week has been challenging in the “Oh God, I didn’t see this coming, and please don’t make me go through anything like it again in the next two decades or so” way.

Thirteen years ago–1996, to be precise–was the worst year of my life, Not hyperbole, truth. Within six months I lost both my parents in particularly ugly and traumatic ways, my last child was born prematurely (necessitating two months in the local NICU), and the repercussions of these events sent a shock wave through my marriage and the lives of my older children. Even now, more than a dozen years later, we all are still recovering from that Very Bad Year.

Mostly, I try not to think about it anymore. Life, as they say, has moved on, and it ’s a busy life. During this week I had two back to school nights, the first being Tuesday at Youngest Son’s middle school. For those who have never experienced “back to school” night, it involves meeting your child’s teachers, seeing their classrooms, and in general getting a sense of what they’re studying and how their teachers approach education.

It’s kind of fun, in a “thank heavens I’m not in middle school anymore” sort of way.

At least it was until I entered Youngest Son’s fifth period classroom. As I stood in the back of the crowded classroom and  looked at the teacher for the first time, he seemed oddly familiar. His name meant nothing to me, but I read the handout he provided which had a brief resume. As I read, part of my mind registered what he was saying by way of introduction to us. The word “quadruplets” registered at about the same moment I spotted a particular resume item involving performing arts, and I suddenly felt literally ill.

Later, my husband commented that he thought we might be in the wrong room or something, as my face had turned pale then taken on a look of panic. I might not recall the name, but I definitely remembered the man who was now my son’s teacher. He and his wife had given birth to quadruplets a few days after my son was born prematurely. Their arrival–particularly the husband’s arrival–in the NICU had added a thick layer of stress to what was already a horrible experience.

As I watched this man describe aspects of my son’s class, I wrestled with a sense of loathing that threatened to overwhelm me. As though 13 years had not passed, I could recall how his bombastic attention-grabbing voice sounded in the formerly quiet confines of the hospital ward, his utter obliviousness to the fact that his four babies were hardly the only infants receiving care, and the nurses’ excitement at the way his media whoredom brought news crews repeatedly into the crowded NICU.

I recalled the times I lost my temper entirely, trying to nurse my baby with no privacy while reporters clustered around the tired new mom of four and her proud husband. He did all the talking–he clearly loved the attention–as she sat quietly and looked exhausted.

I remembered how much I came to loath the very sight of the man. His presence guaranteed there’d be no privacy, no quiet, both of which I desperately needed as I attempted to bond with my fragile premature son.

…a calm moment in the NICU

As his explanation of class procedures and policies drew to a close, I tried to pull myself out of the past, tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. He couldn’t have known how negatively his presence affected me 13 years ago. He couldn’t be the same person now; I know I’m far different than I was back then. But his face, though older, had the same puffy over-fed features, his bearing was the same strutting swagger. Surely these were just my perceptions though; the man inside might now be kind and observant, not as self-focused and domineering as I recalled.

In an effort to give him the charity any human being deserves and change the bad first impression he’d made so long ago, I approached him after class. I asked him if his children were born at the local hospital during the month of August, 1996. He beamed and said “Yes!” I told him my son was there at the same time. He had no recollection of my son nor I of course, though our children spent at least a month side by side in the NICU. He was quite jovial in recalling that time, and told me he was suprised that I remembered being there when his babies were born.

I remember all the other babies that were there with my son: the twin boys, one who was thriving, the other who was weak, the premature hispanic baby girl who went home only to die a few weeks later, the extremely premature little girl no bigger than a Barbie doll who managed to cling to life. I noticed them. They mattered.

“Some things one never forgets,” I said. I hope my voice didn’t sound bitter.

As I left the middle school classroom, I consoled myself with the thought that I need not ever interact directly with this man again. For the next two years he will teach my son, but really, other than attending performances a few times each year I need not ever see the teacher.

Surely the urge to punch him in the face and demand an apology for a 13 year old grievance will pass.

And then there was Thursday, the second back to school night, and a startling reminder that life is so not about me. But that day needs it’s own post.

In other back to school news, Kris has some interesting Reflections. High School class rings with “Obama” on them?!  H/T Ed Morrisey at HotAir. You can’t make this stuff up.

He didn’t know what he was signing

You can’t make this stuff up.

President Obama’s “green jobs” adviser is distancing himself from the “9/11 truthers” — Americans who say the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks may have been an inside job — releasing a statement late Thursday that says he didn’t read carefully a petition he signed in 2004 calling for an investigation into the Bush administration’s knowledge of an impending attack.

In the statement, Van Jones also apologized again for several inflammatory remarks he made prior to joining the Obama administration. It was his second apology in two days.

An aide to Jones told FOX News on Thursday night that the green jobs czar “did not carefully review the language in the petition.” The aide did not say when Jones signed the petition or when he became aware of the controversy…

Jones’ second mea culpa comes after a Wednesday apology in which Jones said he uttered “offensive words” in February when he called Republicans “assholes.” He said the remarks “do not reflect the views of this administration” and its bipartisan aims.

But such statements just scratch the surface of Jones’ past commentary, and could present a dilemma for the Obama administration as it struggles to pass health care reforms and other priorities, including a climate change bill championed by Jones.

Jones has consistently leaned on racially charged language, pointing the finger at “white polluters and the white environmentalists” for “steering poison” to minority communities, as he makes the case for lifting up low-income and minority communities with better environmental policy.

A declared “communist” during the 1990s, Jones once associated with a group that looked to Mao Zedong as an inspiration.

Jones’ exceptional past is reminiscent of associations noted during the presidential campaign, when then-Sen. Barack Obama doggedly fended off claims that he was tied to radicals and overzealous activists.

But with now-President Obama entering the perhaps trickiest phase of his young presidency — building the kind of consensus around health care reform that President Clinton could not — a divisive figure could prove disfiguring.

You think?

Everyone knows congressmen don’t read bills before they sign them. So why should Jones be responsible for signing a nutjob petition? I mean, really, do we expect people in Obama’s administration to be conscientious and diligent, ethical and honest? Of course not! Remember, this is the president who put a tax cheat in charge of the IRS, the first of a string of nominated tax evaders including Tom Daschle, Ron Kirk, and Nancy Killefer.

Given how willing Obama is to take on people with all kinds of unsavory past political and financial baggage, it’s amazing that he’s way behind in hiring for key administration positions (H/T The Moderate Voice)

While career employees or holdovers fill many posts on a temporary basis, Mr. Obama does not have his own people enacting programs central to his mission. He is trying to fix the financial markets but does not have an assistant treasury secretary for financial markets. He is spending more money on transportation than anyone since Dwight D. Eisenhower but does not have his own inspector general watching how the dollars are used. He is fighting two wars but does not have an Army secretary…He has invited major powers to a summit on nuclear nonproliferation but does not have an assistant secretary of state for nonproliferation.

Honestly, it’s better than the Marx Brothers. Heck, put Joe Biden at a microphone and it’s darned close to a Marx Brother’s movie (as envisioned by Moneyrunner at The Virginian)…

Gateway Pundit reveals even more of Van Jones’ wacked background.

And Michelle Malkin describes the pattern we are seeing as

…a leitmotif that runs through my czar, cabinet, and nominee withdrawal chapters of Culture of Corruption: Obama czardom is the deliberate end-run around transparency. Van Jones did not just accidentally slip through the cracks of the Obama vetters. They knew what he espoused before they installed him.

If only it was all simply a movie, and the well being of our country was not at stake.

Patterns and power

I have always been keen on patterns when it comes to people. Over time, human beings act in predictable ways, and if you pay attention, you can predict what a person will likely do based on their patterns of behavior. In a broader sense, this is what “learning from history” is all about: Recognizing the patterns.

Neo-Neocon offers a must-read analysis of how tyrannical takeovers begin, explaining why we really need to pay attention to the past:

The study of history is of vital importance. Not only has that discipline been watered down and even distorted in our schools in recent years, but even back when I was in school I believe the emphasis was wrong. Dates and battles are all very well and good, but we need to know more about the deeper patterns: for example, the ways in which tyrannies become established. There are commonalities there, and lessons to be learned from them.

While filling in for Rush, the very thing troubling me about Obama was summed up by Mark Steyn

“My real objection to this speech to school children has got nothing to do with the content of the speech, and it’s not even to do with these what I think are unseemly and improper so-called study lessons and study materials that teachers are going to be inflicting on kids afterwards. The fact is, when you beam the platitudinous drivel in by the big personality president, you are doing something which I don’t think is proper in a citizen republic:  You’re conflating the head of state with the state. And that is not the role of the American president, this idea that you can’t get away from Obama’s image and Obama’s personality.

Anyone who’s traveled in various third-world dumps knows one thing you’re always aware of is the omnipresence of the president-for-life, he’s there everywhere. Even in relatively civilized places; you go through Jordan, everywhere in Jordan you see these huge photographs of King Abdullah beaming down on you, everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.

I was very struck, a couple of weeks after Saddam fell in Iraq, I was driving around western and northern Iraq, and in every town I visited, dropping by the local school…Saddam had just fallen, and what you noticed in every room was the faded paint on the wall where the portraits of Saddam had all been taken down.

Personality cults and personality leaders do not belong in grade schools in a democratic republic. It’s inappropriate.

As I heard those words, I thought about a famous presidential quote, “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” And I compared JFK’s classic words exhorting Americans to serve their country to the Department of Education’s classroom activities for use in connection with Obama’s speech.  The activities all direct the children to think about helping President Obama, such as

Students could discuss their responses to the following questions:

What do you think the president wants us to do?
Does the speech make you want to do anything?
Are we able to do what President Obama is asking of us?
What would you like to tell the president?

That’s what is so upsetting to parents like me who study history, and who know that no good comes from teaching children to serve a political leader.

If this seems like ridiculous hyperbole or downright paranoia, Charles Murray asks the hard question,

To those Obama supporters who put this kind of reaction down to angry conservatives, ask yourselves: quite apart from your political views, if George W. Bush had proposed to make a national speech to schoolchildren, complete with lesson plans, isn’t “creepy” a word that would have come to mind?

When children are exhorted by any charismatic, powerful leader to serve him in some way, this comes to my mind:

(”Youth Serves the Führer. All 10-year-olds in the Hitler Youth.”)

Teaching is a noble profession

So, it’s September and I’m heading into the Student Teaching Teaching Candidate portion of the California Teacher Credentialing process. I was told this morning during a PowerPoint presentation which repeatedly used the term “Student Teaching” that California no longer uses that term. It, like so many other innocuous phrases, is apparently politically incorrect. The new term is “Teaching Candidate,” and it’s paired with other terms like “clinical observations,” in an effort to spread a gloss of professionalism over a job that pays somewhere between $28,000 and $40,000 per year to start.

Professionalism is a Big Deal at the university where I’m getting my teaching credential. Yesterday we were treated to a lecture–and I mean that in the dad-is-going-to-scold-you sense–given by someone I shall call Aged Professor, about appropriate dress and behavior. We were never given any specifics about behavior, just that we were to “behave appropriately,” because apparently last year’s class had at least one person who did not “behave appropriately.” I wonder what that entailed. Maybe they took off their shoes and taught barefoot. Considerable time was spent telling us how to dress appropriately.

Now, this is Southern California. It’s HOT this time of year. Back away from the open-toed shoes though, and don’t even think about the sandals. No sneakers either. And for those of us of the female gender, there will be no jeans, no capris, no clam diggers, no shorts of any length, only skirts or dress slacks with an “appropriate” blouse.

I don’t care what Aged Professor says, I am not putting on a pair of nylons in 95F weather for anyone.

That being said, I am not a 19 year old, I’m the mother of a 19 year old. I do not need to be lectured about clothing and behavior. Neither do the dozen or so other students in my credentialing program who will never see age 30 again. Unfortunately for us, Aged Professor can’t seem to get his head around the fact that we aren’t children. He admitted as much last semester when he said “I’m not used to having ‘older’ students.”

As he lectured us, our cumulative expressions of disbelief and irritation must have clued him in somewhat, because Aged Professor added that the teachers we’d be observing during our Student Teaching Teacher Candidate semester “won’t be dressing like you will. They don’t dress appropriately, but they already have jobs. You don’t.”

That led directly to “This is not about you. If you want a job that’s about you, don’t go into teaching.”

Well duh.

And they wondered when I applied for the credential process, why I didn’t want to teach at the college level (been there, done that and am qualified to do it again).

It’s not the students, it’s the other professors. My tolerance for pedantic arrogance is dangerously low.

Yes, this post is all about me. I’m trying to avoid ranting about politics, particularly health care reform, until I can do so without using unprofessional language.

On fire

It’s still hotter than heck in my little corner of the world. 100F today at 2:40 pm. Add to that an everpresent smell of burning landscape, and it’s just not a pretty end to summer.

And some people are just too dang stupid. Really.

The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department says five people who refused to heed wildfire evacuation orders are trapped in a canyon and it’s too dangerous to rescue them.

Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore says the four men and a woman refused to leave the Angeles National Forest two days ago. On Monday they called for help because they were unable to leave a ranch near Gold Creek.

Whitmore says a sheriff’s helicopter had planned to help but the flames are too intense and authorities must wait for the fire to pass by before going in.

Authorities say three other people were badly burned over the weekend after refusing evacuation orders. Two of them sought refuge in a hot tub.

The 164-square-mile blaze has burned 21 homes and killed two firefighters.

It’s truly terrible that firefighters die trying to save people’s houses. They weren’t rookies either, they were seasoned professionals. It’s simply a life-risking job and sometimes the worst happens. The least civilians can do is respect the firefighters’ expertise, and when they tell you to evacuate, DO IT.

If you refuse because you think you are Superman, or you think your stupid house is worth more than your life, then don’t go begging for the firemen to risk their lives in order to save your sorry butt.